We received your well-constructed resume. What a THRILL!!! You picked US to submit that engaging listing of your illustrious career.
While we don't have a position that is nearly good enough for you, we would like to praise you on some of your achievements:
1) All those years of filing incidious Internal Review Board applications and you haven't off-ed yourself? BRAVA!!
2) We noticed that you have worked with some pretty shady organizations and still haven't been arrested...how DO you do it? You are an icon of virtue.
3) Anyone who can show up to a job entitled, "Coordinator of State and Federal Aid and Programmatic Evaluator" every day, deserves a medal. We couldn't even copy that without having to look back at your resume 3 times.
4) World Traveler? Chain Saw Juggling? You are not only one of the most well-rounded people we have ever reviewed, but also supercool.
Let's face it, this college doesn't deserve a fine human such as yourself. What we want to do is pay you to stay home and think good thoughts for us, but payroll is, well, funny about those things.
Wow! Thanks again for your application. Boy, do we wish we had some role for YOU here at our humble workplace. Good luck and PLEASE know that we wish we were lucky enough to be able to hire you.
Sincerely,
Human Resources
P.S. We can tell you are super-smokin' hot, just by your font!
I love SuperSmokinHot ITC. It really livens up a CV. :)
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