Water Boring

Nothing about torture, I promise.  I was just driving around the neighborhood and thinking that, if I were single, I would check out the sprinkler of my stalkee, before hooking up.   Forget about the car they drive, forget about the 401K, think about the sprinkler.  So, look at this guy above.  I'm thinking very vanilla, never gets his freak on, and you'll find him out there, adjusting that one imperfect sprinkler for the next 40 years.





Um, you can dress it up, but this is the same danged thing as the first guy.  In fact, I would be avoiding this person, because they think that, by putting a pretty turtle on it, they have BLOWN YOUR SPRINKLIN' MIND.  This person is all about presentation and not about content.



Okay, a sense of humor is good, but I'm wondering how far and how deep the wounds in this person go.  This definitely smacks of childhood trauma.  "Daddy, don't put Mr. Crackers on my shoulder!!!  His beak is sharp. Daddy!!!"




Dear God.

Well, this is innovation.  There is some thought going on here about trying to get every angle, address every issue.  It's got a little unpredictability about it.  I could see this person bringing home a bouquet of six or seven types of roses because they wanted to make sure you'd at least like one of them.  

Now, see?  This is what I'm talkin' 'bout.  There is fun.  There is nuttiness, without fright.  There is still practicality, without boredom.  This is the person to stalk.  Get rid of these neighbor kids, put on yer Miracle Suit - you're done.

Fight the Power!

There was a time when I was an angry (go figure!), trend-setting, club-rat.  While that time is long past, I would still like to impact the fashion world around me.  The laws of physics, however, make that challenging for an aging, angry hausfrau.

So, if you cannot create, you can always desecrate.  I now consider myself the leader/founder of a movement I call: "Fashion Killer."  Yes, it is a more embittered way to address the trends but, then, I am a more embittered person than I once was.  I will again blaze the trail of your enlightenment.

I like to take ANY current trend of those in "power" (i.e., the young) and wear it out publicly. While this is progress, it also makes the wearer seem silly.  The fashion-killing comes when I over-identify with my co-wearers.   

Case study:  The Snoop-dogg t-shirt.  

There was a time when it was very hip to wear your favorite rapper's silhouette on an oversized t-shirt.  Oversized?  I can do that.  So, I got myself a Snoop-shirt.  

I wore that thing to the Home Depot, grocery store, liquor store (it's like clubbing, only the drunks aren't pretty), childcare pick-up...  I would point to the shirt, shoot some Isaac (from the Love Boat) finger guns at another trendy soul, and smile widely, as if to say, "HEY!!! LOOK!!! I'm cool like YOU!!!"

The reaction went like this:  1) nervous laughter, 2) some variant of "no she didn't" 3) silent, yet obvious, self re-evaluation. 

I understand that time kills fashion, too, but nothing says "IT IS OVER" more than a round, middle-aged, graying stay-at-home wearing a trend.  NOW, who has the power?

Further, this works with hair-styles, trendy phrases, and anything that the young decide that they like....moo-wah-ha-ha.

I love my new foray into fashion!  I have regained my former title!  All hail!!!  

I have even found an unintended benefit to my fashion-killer spree:  managing the boundaries of my own children's fashion whims.  When they hold up a micro-shirt that would be "great for school" I just ask the salesperson if it "is available in "Plus" sizes?  SERIOUSLY!!! I Must have THAT!!!  It is too cute (fashion-killing word numero uno)!!"  

Desire for said shirt? Zero.

The world is an agist, heightist, "out-with-the-old" kinda place.  Let's not forget, however, that wisdom and bitterness go a long way.  "Yes, she did!"