It is the beginning of the school year and all of us think "SURE!!! I got nothin' but time and money!" in response to PTA requests. Somehow, you are signing up to bring four bags of potato chips to a classroom at 10:30 TODAY. How did this happen? Well, it's that tricky "good-parents-bring-chips-bad-parents-say-no" misgiving.
You can be a good parent AND still not make 134 monogrammed cookies for the Kindergarten graduation. I swear.
I give you permission NOT to do this.
Okay, so no that I've given you the "dope slap" to understand that you can say "no," I need to give you some tips on how to get out of it all, without actually having to say "no." Who enjoys mixing it up with the PTA, PTO, Bandparents? Not I.
TIP NUMBER ONE: It worked for Pepe LePew
Go to a parent meeting without having showered for three days. Reach across the cookie/lemonade table (let the stink waft, is what I'm saying). Then, wince and say, "Hooowee!!! It's like I'm white trash er somethin'!" For you who are afraid of having to wait for bacteria to grow and want to actually shower, you can use Patchouli oil and do the same thing.
TIP NUMBER TWO: Scandal is better than a four-hour car-wash
Figure out who the PTA Chair is (as if you haven't already gotten 59 emails from her). When you see her next, just ask, "So, who swings in this school?" Look her over and ask, "What's yer husband look like?" You will NEVER get called again. You DO risk general town shunning, but to me - sometimes worth it.
TIP NUMBER THREE: Oh-my-God-I-totally-forgot
Take on the role of the overwhelmed, but lovable parent. Sign up. Sign up FOR IT ALL. Then, "forget" your responsibilities. After about 3 incidents, they'll never call you again. At stake: the misunderstanding that you have a drug habit. To gain: 3 extra hours of sleep, on a snow-chain calling, cold winter morning.
Join me in the "I'm free!!!" parade that will commence after the acceptance of any or all of these strategies.
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